Hillary Clinton jokes, etc...

[fulltimer56]

Hi Guys,

Is it too early to start a thread for "Hillary Clinton" jokes? OK, I didn't think so!! :)

One sunny Spring day in 2009, an old man approached the White House
from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in
and meet with President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine replied, "Sir, Mrs. Clinton is not the President and doesn't
reside here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and Said to
the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Hillary
Clinton".

The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mrs. Clinton
is not the President and doesn't reside here."

The man thanked him and again walked away . .

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to
the very same Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with
President Hillary Clinton."

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the Man and
said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to
speak to Mrs. Clinton. I've told you already several times that Mrs.
Clinton is not the President and doesn't
reside here. Don't you understand?"

The old man answered, "Oh, I understand you fine; I just love hearing
your answer!"

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow."

Linda (who happens to NOT like Hillary Clinton!)

[fulltimer56]

http://www.cafepress.com/hillarybitch (http://www.cafepress.com/hillarybitch)

I will be getting at least one T-Shirt!

Linda

[rowand]

Wear it with pride, Linda!

How can we trust the country to a woman who can't even get a rein on her own hubby?

[fulltimer56]

Nope, that ain't it!! No woman should have to REIN in her husband!! That was the husband's fault all the way around!!

I just don't like Hillary and don't think she would make a good leader.

Now if Rice was running I might vote for her!!

Linda

[jaydeebee]

Okay, okay here's one that requires a certain level of suspension of disbelief...

Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Hillary were all killed in a plane crash.

Here's the unbelievable part, they all went to heaven. Once there, God spoke to each of them from His almighty throne.

BILL CLINTON, you have lived a wicked immoral life, why should I let you in to Heaven?

Well, your highness, can I call ya Pete? Hey Pete hows it hangin'...I know that I have made some errors in the past, but I also know that you forgive me for them and I want you to listen to me...I regret those mistake and I am deeply sorry for that.

You have learned from your mistakes...you may enter and stand at the right of my throne.

Thanks there Pete...where the women at?

ALBERT GORE! You have told many lies in your life, why should I allow you into Heaven?

Greetings Mr. Almighty God, I am Former Vice President Al Gore. I have spent many years trying to combat the evils of Global Warming and pollution. I have tried to clean up all the messes made by evil corporations and return our planet to it's beautiful pristine condition...

Okay okay, you can enter and stand at the left of my throne....for My Sake just stop talking like that!

Thank you Mr. Almighty God...

Now, HILLARY CLINTON, what have you to say on your behalf?

Before we get started, I believe you're in my seat.

[The Charlton Guy]

http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a240/the-charlton-guy/sb-hc.jpg

[camper49]

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One.

Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."

Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".

Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

[fulltimer56]

I don't know whether or not you watched the memorial service for Ronald Reagan, BUT..... if you did, you probably noticed that Bill and Hillary were both dozing off.



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v35/fulltimer56/Images/ClintonSleepingTogether.jpg



President Ronald Reagan,
who never missed a chance for a good one-liner,
raised his head out of his casket and said.....



http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v35/fulltimer56/Images/RonaldReagan.jpg



"I see the Clintons are finally sleeping together."

[fulltimer56]

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids

[fulltimer56]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v35/fulltimer56/boardimages/Lifesabitch.jpg

[rowand]

I actually took my daughter to the Reagan memorial viewing near here. No Clintons were sleeping while I was there. When Presidential-candidate Slick Willie had an open forum one afternoon at my Alma Mater I tried to heckle from the crowd (yes, I would have equally heckeled a Reprobate candidate not just a Demagouge) but the Sacred Service types were only allowing the youthful, pre-screened, good-looking students with their assigned, pre-written questions to attend.

The joke? We elected Bill as President and womanizer-in-chief and he became the second standing president to be impeached. I repeat my stand: No one worth having in the office could be dragged, kicking and screaming, to serve!

Reagan was the exception to my rule!

[fulltimer56]

A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching T.V., one of Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, "Hillary is a horse's Butt!"

The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the mouth, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.

After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was Hillary country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country

[fulltimer56]

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and
went into a shop.

I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a
cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on,
man, how about giving a retired person a break."

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi."
He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn
tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he
started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The
more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus. The car that he
was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in
'08." I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's
important to my health

[fulltimer56]

Doesn't make any difference if you're Democrat or Republican --- this is still funny !!


DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES FOR PRESIDENT

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards
were flying to a convention.
Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said,
"You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now
and make somebody very happy."


Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied,
"I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window
and make ten people very happy"


John added,
"That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window
and make a hundred people very happy."


Hearing their exchange,
the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot,
"Such big-shots back there.
I could throw all of them out of the window
and make 156 million people very happy."

[fulltimer56]

This isn't a joke but you might like taking a look at it:

A few of Hillary's thoughts

"Fairness doesn't just happen. It requires the right government policies."

"F**k off! It's enough that I have to see you shit-kickers every day,
I'm not going to talk to you too!! Just do your G*damn job and keep your
mouth shut."
(From the book "American Evita" by Christopher Anderson, p. 90 - Hillary
to her State Trooper bodyguards after one of them greeted her with "Good morning.")

"You f**king idiot."
(From the book "Crossfire" p. 84 - Hillary to a State Trooper who was
driving her to an event.)

"If you want to remain on this detail, get your f**king ass over here
and grab those bags!"
(From the book "The First Partner" p. 259 - Hillary to a Secret Service
Agent who was reluctant to carry her luggage because he wanted to keep
his hands free in case of an incident.)

"We just can't trust the American people to make those types of
choices.... Government has to make those choices for people"
(From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan" by Thomas D. Kuiper,
p 20 - Hillary to Rep. Dennis Hastert in 1993 discussing her expensive,
disastrous taxpayer-funded health care plan)

"I am a fan of the social policies that you find in Europe"
(Hillary in 1996 From the book "I've Always Been A Yankee Fan"
by Thomas D. Kuiper, p. 76 - Hillary in 1996)

And the grand-daddy of them all:

"Many of you are well enough off that [President Bush's] tax cuts may
have helped you. We're saying that for America to get back on track,
we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. *We're
going to have to take things away from you on behalf of the common good*."
(Hillary grandstanding at a fund raising speech in San Francisco;
SFGate.com 6/28/2004.)